There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
