tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize