My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
