I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
