So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
