I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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