Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
