P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize