i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
