Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The best revenge is premature balding
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
