I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize