you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
