Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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