he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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