Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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