Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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