Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
