so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So vagazzling was a success
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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