bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I AM VODKA MAN
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
