Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
