i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
