yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
