So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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