this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
