Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize