I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
