You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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