when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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