You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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