I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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