The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
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