I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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