Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
