did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize