took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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