I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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