that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
