Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
