the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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