why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
