Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
