oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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