Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize