Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
