Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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