this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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