so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
and she was petting her beer can
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
