my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
