do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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