dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I love you. Go after that dick
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize