she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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