After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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