then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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