he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
