the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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