We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
