i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
