Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize