We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
