I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
