She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
