her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
