there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
