I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
