"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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