Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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