Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
