Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
