I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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