dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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