6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My dick has a subreddit
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
