Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
tell me about the fingering
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