Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's never too late to be topless.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
