**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
