Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
