Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
