Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize