If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
