shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you win again, gameday.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
