his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
