A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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