Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
