My hair reeks of homosexuality.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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