flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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