HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
